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Seven ways the Democrats can blow it in the next 18 days

October 22, 2008

from 23/6

Let’s hold off on the victory lap, cool? Obama is warning Democrats to not get complacent as they head into the home stretch. He should be warning them to “not act like Democrats.” This is one party whose capacity for losing should never be underestimated. Here are seven ways we can imagine it all going to hell.

7. Joe the Plumber experiences a sudden windfall that would finally yield him enough income for his taxes to go up under Obama’s tax plan.

Keep Joe from buying lotto tickets. And from becoming a plumber, for that matter.

6. Obama bumps into his neighbor, Bill Ayers, at a 7-11.

The last thing we need are headlines screaming “Terror Slurpees!” The campaign had better have a GPS device implanted in Ayers’ ass to keep those two from crossing paths at the dog run.

5. Bill Clinton decides to speak from his heart.

If he goes off script and says what he’s really thinking, big trouble. Clinton should be surrounded by sycophants stroking his ego at all times. Obama should never let him arrive at an appearance without sending a “You’re My Only Hope” fruit basket to greet him.

4. John Kerry says anything.

Remember his hilarious “If you do bad in school you go to Iraq” quip just a few days before the 2006 election? No one hand this guy a mic. In fact, lock him up in a safe-house and keep him under guard until November 5th.

3. The Obama campaign gets complacent…about Palin rally attendees.

He should be campaigning from inside a Pope-mobile until November 4th. Hell, keep him there until 2016.

2. Jeremiah Wright decides now is the perfect time to debut his new sermon titled, “No Seriously, God Damn America.”

Trinity Church had better be strictly enforcing their “no flip cameras” ban.

1. People finally wake up and realize THAT OBAMA IS A GODLESS RADICAL COMMUNIST SOCIALIST TERRORIST INTENT ON DESTROYING EVERYTHING WE HOLD DEAR!!! (please forward to ten friends)

If Americans start listening to what poorly designed, un-spellchecked, racist direct mail brochures tell them, it’s over.

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