Posts Tagged ‘baby’

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25 Ways to Coddle Your Man (and Earn His Appreciation)

January 16, 2009

This comes from FREIDA BEE. If you are not familiar with Ms. Bee, you are missing out. header

see  more posts in Sex & Relationships     see more posts in Humor
 
female-eating-hotdogInspired by Lisa’s post, and the great comments which followed, she and I have created a list of our own. In the spirit of feminism, this is a list by women for women. (Of course, men, you can use this list to gauge how satisfied you should be with your woman.)

25 Ways to Coddle Your Man (and Earn his Appreciation):

 

1. When your man spends six hours grilling meat for dinner (that you make the sides for, set the table for, and clean up after), be sure to thank him for making dinner by rewarding him later with a blow job (with a little barbecue sauce on the side, of course).

2. Never poop, never indicate that you poop, take great pains to cover up the fact that you produce and expel solid waste, even if it means you have to leave the house to go to a public place to do your business when he is at home. (Alternately, you could break something on purpose, so he must go to Home Depot, and then you can poo while he’s away.)

3. Hide all feminine hygiene products, both used and unused. Make sure to double wrap any used products and take the further step of burying them deeply in the trash, so he won’t accidentally see them when he empties the trash.

4. There is no question that a woman must douche, preferably twice, after having her period. Nothing good will come of reminding him that you have bodily functions.

5. After having children, consider vaginal rejuvenation.

6. Make him feel like you’re new again by occasionally purchasing and using theartificial hymen. If he’s squeamish about blood, you may want to do this only in the dark. Don’t forget to make the appropriate “first time” sounds.

7. Be sure to use the “skills” other men have taught you, taking special care not to mention where you might have learned them.
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