Archive for the ‘sex & relationships’ Category


An Orgasm a Day to keep Capitalism Away

July 14, 2009

According to an article in the times UK

A National Health Service leaflet is advising school pupils that they have a “right” to an enjoyable sex life and that regular intercourse can be good for their cardiovascular health.

The advice appears in guidance circulated to parents, teachers and youth workers, and is intended to update sex education by telling pupils about the benefits of sexual pleasure. For too long, say its authors, experts have concentrated on the need for “safe sex” and loving relationships while ignoring the main reason that many people have sex, that is, for enjoyment.

Alongside the slogan “an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”, it says: “Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes’ physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?”

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Hey Natalie Dylan, Here’s Some Advice for Selling Your Viginity

January 30, 2009

Liz Langley, AlterNet.   more posts in Sex & Relationships   header.jpg

“Virtue has never been as respectable as money.” — Mark Twain

“I always thought of losing my virginity as a career move.” — Madonna

Obama, Blagojevich, the economy, Gitmo, torture, Mickey Rourke … it’s been a juicy news month. So, who do you have to screw to get a little attention around here?

The answer: The highest acceptable bidder.

We are now officially in the 15 minutes of Natalie Dylan, the pseudonym of the enterprising 22-year-old who is auctioning off her virginity through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada as part of a thesis project for a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy (she recently completed her BA in women’s studies from California State University, Sacramento). The bidding began in September and, as of this writing, is up to $3.7 million.

Natalie’s maiden muff is hers to do with as she wishes — sexual desires, values and limits vary wildly, and as long as no one gets hurt, t’ain’t nobody’s business what you do. We just wonder — what if some religious group buys it and decides to keep it intact forever?

Any pro-virginity faction could pool some loot and once the “Sold!” sign is planted (but not too deep) — WHAM! — on goes the chastity belt. Then she’ll be screwed — or not — for life. Imagine getting punk’d by Ned Flanders.
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What Do Women Want?

January 26, 2009

DANIEL BERGNER/ NYTIMES more posts in Sex & Relationships   header


Meredith Chivers is a creator of bonobo pornography. She is a 36-year-old psychology professor at Queen’s University in the small city of Kingston, Ontario, a highly regarded scientist and a member of the editorial board of the world’s leading journal of sexual research, Archives of Sexual Behavior. The bonobo film was part of a series of related experiments she has carried out over the past several years. She found footage of bonobos, a species of ape, as they mated, and then, because the accompanying sounds were dull — “bonobos don’t seem to make much noise in sex,” she told me, “though the females give a kind of pleasure grin and make chirpy sounds” — she dubbed in some animated chimpanzee hooting and screeching. She showed the short movie to men and women, straight and gay. To the same subjects, she also showed clips of heterosexual sex, male and female homosexual sex, a man masturbating, a woman masturbating, a chiseled man walking naked on a beach and a well-toned woman doing calisthenics in the nude.

While the subjects watched on a computer screen, Chivers, who favors high boots and fashionable rectangular glasses, measured their arousal in two ways, objectively and subjectively. The participants sat in a brown leatherette La-Z-Boy chair in her small lab at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, a prestigious psychiatric teaching hospital affiliated with the University of Toronto, where Chivers was a postdoctoral fellow and where I first talked with her about her research a few years ago. The genitals of the volunteers were connected to plethysmographs — for the men, an apparatus that fits over the penis and gauges its swelling; for the women, a little plastic probe that sits in the vagina and, by bouncing light off the vaginal walls, measures genital blood flow. An engorgement of blood spurs a lubricating process called vaginal transudation: the seeping of moisture through the walls. The participants were also given a keypad so that they could rate how aroused they felt.

The men, on average, responded genitally in what Chivers terms “category specific” ways. Males who identified themselves as straight swelled while gazing at heterosexual or lesbian sex and while watching the masturbating and exercising women. They were mostly unmoved when the screen displayed only men. Gay males were aroused in the opposite categorical pattern. Any expectation that the animal sex would speak to something primitive within the men seemed to be mistaken; neither straights nor gays were stirred by the bonobos. And for the male participants, the subjective ratings on the keypad matched the readings of the plethysmograph. The men’s minds and genitals were in agreement.
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Broken Military Marriages: Another Casualty of War

January 23, 2009

Stacy BannermanAlterNet    header.jpg
more posts in Sex & Relationships 
More than 13,000 military marriages ended last year, and mine came dangerously close to becoming one of them, but it wasn’t because of some gays getting hitched. Military marriages are at increasingly high risk of failure, and combat is the cause.

Most of the boots on the ground in Iraq are worn by Marines, active duty Army, or Army National Guard. They have served the most and longest deployments, seen the most combat, and suffered the most injuries, both physical and psychological. In 2008, the active-duty Army and Marines also had a higher percentage of failed marriages than the Navy or Air Force, whose rates held steady or decreased slightly.

Divorce rates for women in the Army or Marines were nearly three times that of their male counterparts, which speaks volumes about the effect of war on women, as well as the gender roles, societal expectations, and resiliency of their husbands. The fact that the Veterans Administration has just a handful of gender-specific treatment programs for women, and there’s been scant attention, research, and support for women veterans speaks for itself.

A study published in Armed Forces & Society revealed that male combat veterans were 62 percent more likely than civilian males to have at least one failed marriage. In 2006, Kansas State University professor Walter Schumm surveyed 337 soldiers at Fort Riley who had recently returned from Iraq. 6.1 percent said they would probably divorce, and 12.2 percent indicated that they would be divorcing. By comparison, two to four percent of civilian marriages end in divorce each year.
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Rich Couples Can No Longer Afford ’50s Gender Roles

January 22, 2009

By Deborah Siegel, The Women’s Media Center   
headermore posts in 
Sex & Relationships 

Can we talk about how gender relations in the wake of layoff shakeup were portrayed in the media this week? And can we all just take a deep breath and get real?

In a bloated front-page profile in the New York Times Style section on Sunday, a headline informs us that a laid-off dad from Darien, Connecticut is “A Bit Lost.” Scott Berry, the dad in question, lost his job as a technology analyst for a boutique investment firm in Manhattan in December 2007 and has actively been looking for a new position ever since. Meanwhile, Scott’s wife Tracey, who has gone back to work after a brief stint at home, balks at the prospect of buying her kids clothes at Walmart.

“How can you complain about my spending when you don’t have an adequate income?” Tracey asks Scott during their arguments. “How can you complain about me not earning an adequate income, when you can’t control your spending?” asks Scott. Less sympathetic is the anonymous wife from Tribeca who tells us that in her family it was his job to provide a nice lifestyle while hers was to run the household and the children’s lives. When he loses his Wall Street bonus and his income drops from $800,000 to $150,000 a year, she’s bitter and crushed. “Let me just say this,” she tells the reporter. “I’m still doing my job.”

Let me say this: I feel their pain. But is this Father Knows Best or the Great Recession of 2009?
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25 Ways to Coddle Your Man (and Earn His Appreciation)

January 16, 2009

This comes from FREIDA BEE. If you are not familiar with Ms. Bee, you are missing out. header

see  more posts in Sex & Relationships     see more posts in Humor
female-eating-hotdogInspired by Lisa’s post, and the great comments which followed, she and I have created a list of our own. In the spirit of feminism, this is a list by women for women. (Of course, men, you can use this list to gauge how satisfied you should be with your woman.)

25 Ways to Coddle Your Man (and Earn his Appreciation):


1. When your man spends six hours grilling meat for dinner (that you make the sides for, set the table for, and clean up after), be sure to thank him for making dinner by rewarding him later with a blow job (with a little barbecue sauce on the side, of course).

2. Never poop, never indicate that you poop, take great pains to cover up the fact that you produce and expel solid waste, even if it means you have to leave the house to go to a public place to do your business when he is at home. (Alternately, you could break something on purpose, so he must go to Home Depot, and then you can poo while he’s away.)

3. Hide all feminine hygiene products, both used and unused. Make sure to double wrap any used products and take the further step of burying them deeply in the trash, so he won’t accidentally see them when he empties the trash.

4. There is no question that a woman must douche, preferably twice, after having her period. Nothing good will come of reminding him that you have bodily functions.

5. After having children, consider vaginal rejuvenation.

6. Make him feel like you’re new again by occasionally purchasing and using theartificial hymen. If he’s squeamish about blood, you may want to do this only in the dark. Don’t forget to make the appropriate “first time” sounds.

7. Be sure to use the “skills” other men have taught you, taking special care not to mention where you might have learned them.
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Sex in 2009: Five Predictions From HBO’s Sexpert

January 12, 2009

Mike Alvear   •  more in SEX & RELATIONSHIPS header
other 2009 predictions

A friend once described his sexual appetites this way: “A hungry junkyard dog is more fun than a poodle.” He’s going to be one happy puppy after he reads my five predictions for sex in 2009:

1. You’re going to have a lot more of it. 
The recession that hit your pocket will tickle your crotch. Call it Recession Sex. If you’re coupled, you’re going to spend more time at home and at some point that TV’s gotta be turned off. The nesting impulse will increase your resting pulse. That’s the good news. The bad? As discretionary income goes down, indiscretions go up. Oops. If you’re single, you’ll have the time but not the money to fritter away at bars. You won’t wait for the last-call yard sale so you’ll probably lower the bar to increase your odds. 

2. You’re going to see a lot more of it.

Larry Flynt once said, “There are two kinds of people who oppose porn. Those who don’t know what they’re talking about and those who don’t know what they’re missing.” Well, ain’t nobody missing it anymore. It’s everywhere. The mainstreaming of porn in art, fashion, and media is turning adult videos into a sort of Zen koan: No matter where you go, there it is. 

3. You’re going to be paying a lot less for it.

Nobody’s going to put call girls in a higher tax bracket this year. With a tanking economy, streetwalkers, pole dancers and gold diggers alike are going to have to give it up for less. So are the online dating sites, as they compete with free sites like,, and It’s like they’ve been working a corner for years and now some hussy’s going to do the job for free. Oh, my.

You might blow a lot of things up for porn but it won’t be your budget. You don’t have to buy it anymore. Hell, you don’t even have to rent it. You just have to point your browser to free sites like and, where amateurs and pros upload unstoppable watchables. Offline piracy, illegal downloads and free video sharing sites are going to make dinosaurs out of adult video studios. If they don’t figure out how to compete with “FREE” soon, their last movie is gonna be about their profits–Gone With The Girdle. 

4. You’re going to be doing it with things that are smarter than you. 

Safe sex is not a padded headboard, but it is programmable. Take the SaSi vibrator. It’s a sort of iTunes dildo–it remembers your favorite vibrations so you can play them later. Make it go left, right and a little to the side and it’ll ‘record’ the vibrational combinations, releasing you from, well, all that hard work. 

5. You’re going to see videos of strangers before you do it with them. 

Online dating sites have already introduced relevant searching methods, instant messaging, and mobile phone access to pictures and profiles. What’s next? Videos. They’ll get rid of flakes that use fake pictures, serving as a kind of Venus Lie Trap. Watch AOL’s beta test of, the first to bundle Instant Messenger, audio and video into a traditional dating site.

My bottom line prediction for sex in 2009: The No Pants Dance craze will sweep the nation.


Bristol Palin Says to Teens: Don’t Get Pregnant

January 9, 2009

By Jodi JacobsonRH Reality Check

Bristol Palin may be way ahead of her mom when it comes to one of the country’s most controversial issues.

On December 27, Bristol Palin, daughter of Alaska Governor and former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  Today, Bristol, who is 18 years old and just shy of achieving her high school diploma, joined her mother in a statement on the birth of her first child, Governor Palin’s first grandchild.

Governor Palin, obviously elated with the safe delivery of her grandchild and the health of her daughter, stated;

We are over the moon with the arrival of this healthy, beautiful baby.

And, she continued:

The road ahead for this young couple will not be easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Bristol and Levi are committed to accomplish what millions of other young parents have accomplished, to provide a loving and secure environment for their child. They are both hard workers, they’re very strong, and have faith they’ve made the right decision in setting aside their own interests to make this child their highest priority.

The operative word here is “decision.”  Bristol and Levi, along with their families, made a decision that was right for them.  And the fact that they have this choice is instructive on many levels.
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Big Booty Beauty and the New Sexual Aesthetic

January 7, 2009

By Myra MendibleAmerican Sexuality Magazine.   header

Booty. Rump. Bubble butt. Whatever the term, big backsides — and people’s reactions to them — tell us a lot about American culture.

"I like big butts and I can not lie..."

sing it with me: "I like big butts and I can not lie..."

The many names, affectionate and derogatory, we use in reference to female buttocks suggest the range of ambivalent associations they elicit.

“Booty” holds the promise of illicit pleasures. “Fanny” desexualizes the female behind, turning it into a sweet but inconsequential body part. The command to “get off your fanny” is less hostile than “get off your ass.” A “tush” is small and tight, a “rump” is round and fleshy, a “can” is fat and lazy. Sander Gilman points out the “buttocks are an ever-shifting symbolic site in the body. … Never do they represent themselves.” Female buttocks function as metaphors for traits that a society values or rejects. Their meanings vary between cultures and among ethnic groups; while a bounteous butt may bring out disgust or disdain in some social circles, it evokes a range of positive associations in others.

In mainstream U.S. culture, “bubble butts” have typically been associated with “lowly” subject positions or “vulgar” sexuality. Calling too much attention to one’s behind is considered uncouth in polite society, a nasty reminder of forbidden or distasteful acts. A big butt is associated with “unnatural” sex, excrement or the excess and physicality identified with “darker” races. This body metaphor helps us constitute social identities and subject positions.

Like most females growing up in America, I learned early on that bodily attributes such as butt size, hair texture, skin color and body shape could convey a woman’s status and desirability. During my teens, achieving the “all-American girl” look that graced the covers of fashion magazines meant dieting the butt into submission. A woman’s failure to rein in an unruly butt connoted her lack of discipline and self-control, and by association, her inferior moral character. It also marked her place in the social order: “high class” women did not carry excess baggage in the trunk. A skinny ass identified you with the elegant and never too rich, never too thin social elite; big butts with the mammies and maids.

But growing up in Miami, where Latinos compose a majority, meant that I also had to negotiate another repertoire of butt metaphors and associations. While my American girlfriends dreamed of acquiring bigger breasts, the Cuban women in my family stressed the value of a bounteous derrière. Thus, in my Little Havana neighborhood, a generously endowed backside earned appreciative glances or wolf whistles. I knew that the size and shape of my butt identified the degree of my cultural assimilation. Thus buttocks registered a cultural divide: flat butts signaled conformity to American beauty standards, voluptuous hips expressed ethnic pride.

To my mom, my refusal to put more meat on my bones seemed a deliberate form of rebellion, another sign of my increasing distance from her native culture. Straightening my hair and speaking without an accent helped downplay my ethnicity, but nothing screamed “Latinness” like an unabashedly big ass. After all, my mother and her friends delighted in their fulsome booties. A skinny ass provoked pitying looks from the matronly Cubanas, for whom it portended sterile, passionless marriages and unfaithful husbands. But to their more assimilated daughters, big culos were associated with “cubanazas” — those too loud, too fat, “too Cuban” women who were the butt of our jokes. An older generation of Cuban women considered abundant buns an asset, but to those of us who came of age with Twiggy images, a fat ass was a shameful reminder of our ethnic difference.

JLo Curves

In recent years, however, Americans have been enjoying a butt fling. Voluptuous female buttocks have become a valuable commodity, exploited in advertising campaigns, music videos and specialty men’s magazines. This butt appeal has produced a profitable commercial market for “bootyful” women. What sparked mainstream culture’s lusty fondness for women with big butts? Angharad Valdivia credits the famous JLo butt, arguing that Jennifer Lopez single-handedly ushered in a butt focus within contemporary U.S. culture, intervening “into codes of beauty and femininity, which until quite recently … relied exclusively on that nearly buttless look …” One London magazine reported that Lopez’s rounded posterior made “curvy bottoms trendy” and created “a demand for silicone buttock implants” (Daily Mail2003). In an article in Vanity Fair, Ned Zeman claims that Lopez “created a phenomenon in which a pair of buttocks became, in and of themselves, a cultural icon. Entire news articles would focus on The Lopez Ass, as if it were a separate life-form.”
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Sex Work Goes Mainstream on Reality TV

January 2, 2009

Marcy MarzukiSpread Magazine header see more in SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

Prostitutes, strippers and porn stars are now as ubiquitous on cable as cops are on network TV. Is that good or bad for sex workers?

Just 10 years ago, if you saw a real-life working girl on TV, chances are Bill Kurtis was filming her with a hidden camera. But now, in the era of reality TV, the cameras — and the hookers — are out of hiding.

‘Make Sure One of Them’s a Stripper’

Prostitutes, strippers and porn stars are to cable what doctors, lawyers and cops are to network TV. It’s a phenomenon that started with a little sideshow called “The Real World” way back in 1992. The premise was simple: Take seven people from diverse backgrounds, lock ’em up and watch ’em melt down. During casting, the producers, Van Nuys-based Bunim/Murray Productions, reportedly had only one requirement: “Make sure one of them’s a stripper.” The result? The longest-running series in MTV history.

Sure, the show’s exploitive, with the participants getting drunk, nasty and generally humiliating themselves, but the exploitation works both ways. Just last season, exotic dancer Brianna Taylor parlayed her appearance into a lucrative recording career. She’s one of many to emerge from the mosh pit of reality TV as a legit actor, model, writer or even Playmate. Read the rest of this entry ?


Virgin Territory

December 22, 2008

Josey Vogels • My Messy Bedroom header

The world's most famous virgin

The world's most famous virgin

So much fuss over a little flap of skin. I mean, really. Especially given most scientists aren’t sure why it even still exists. Some believe it’s there to protect our vaginas from infection but our happy place seems to do fine once we lose it. But most research believes that the hymen is vestigial tissue, that is, tissue that possibly once had a function in a different evolutionary stage but has since become redundant, much like our appendix. 

Yet no one gets killed for having removed her appendix removed before getting married. Yes, despite its physical redundancy, this little piece of membrane has taken on huge societal, religious and moral significance.

Virgins didn’t always have a reputation as the meek, innocent, babes in white-flowing dresses the word conjures up today. There was a point when virgins were actually seen as powerful and virginity signified female independence and autonomy more than sexual abstinence. Many Greek Goddesses were Virgin Goddesses and were seen as all powerful because they were autonomous and didn’t need a man. Much like the Fertility Goddesses of the past, Virgin Goddesses were believed to have control over crops, animals and weather. Back in the 1stcentury, the Romans believed virgins could turn wine to vinegar and could blunt knives and rust brass. And in one of the more bizarre bits of research I’ve encountered, thieves in Medieval Russia believed that if they carried a candle made of the tallow – that is, the fat – of a murdered virgin, when they pillaged churches, they wouldn’t get caught. 

I’m not exactly sure where one gets the fat of a murdered virgin but this sense that virgins protect you isn’t so ancient. The belief that sex with a virgin will protect you from HIV is prevalent in parts of Africa where AIDS is rampant. Frighteningly, this has resulted in the rape of young girls and even female babies by people who believe that having sex with a virgin will cure them of AIDS.

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Does Sex Addiction Have Any Basis in Science?

December 19, 2008

Cristian BodoAmerican Sexuality Magazine    more in: SEX & RELATIONSHIPS    top

Things used to be pretty straightforward: You were involved in a stable and fulfilling long-term relationship, but nevertheless the temptations were many and practicing strict monogamy proved way too hard. Eventually, you were caught and you had to decide whether to call it quits or to go back to your partner, admit your full responsibility, beg for forgiveness, and promise that it was never going to happen again. Nowadays, however, there may be a third option: You can claim that you are a victim of sexual addiction, simply unable to manage your sexual urges despite what you know is best for you.

This term has been steadily gaining recognition among the public, helped by several high profile cases of celebrities who checked themselves into “sex addiction rehab” after their infidelities were made public. Self-help groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous have sprung up in the last few decades, following the 12-step system first made popular by Alcoholics Anonymous. There is even a proliferation of fictional characters from recent movies, novels, and TV series who are described as sex addicts and regularly attend meetings organized by these kinds of groups. The proponents of the concept routinely argue that sexual addiction and substance addiction are analogous syndromes, with both of them rendering the individual a slave to a particular source of gratification at the expense of everything else in his/her life. But is there strong scientific evidence supporting a common physiological basis between these versions of compulsive behavior? Read the rest of this entry ?


10 Reasons Why It’s Awesome To Be Single During the Holiday Season

December 18, 2008

By Simcha The Frisky          jump to top       more posts in “sex and relationships”

Being single around the holidays can get you extra seasonally depressed.  Everywhere I go, I see couples choosing knick-knacks together, making out in front of store windows, and drunkenly leaving parties early so they can go off and do it. Barf! Just kidding, it’s totally cute. I’ve been there and I’ve had a great time getting showered with expensive gifts from boyfriends! But something tells me I’m going to like being footloose and fancy-free this winter. After all, there are plenty of reasons to be happy that I didn’t stick with someone who wasn’t right for me just so I could cash in on a present … well, besides the fact that I’d have to shell out a gift for him too. After the jump, what I’ve discovered about the grass being greener on the single side of the season.
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How to Make an Open Relationship Work

December 16, 2008

Greta Christina • Blowfish       
(jump to top)    (more in Sex & relationships)
parrotsI wish I could remember who told me this, so I could thank them. If it was you, consider yourself thanked.

It’s the best piece of advice I ever got about non-monogamy. And I want to share it with the rest of the class.

It’s this: If you’re a couple who’s considering opening up your relationship, but you have anxieties and apprehensions and feelings of jealousy, and they’re stopping you from going forward?

Think — carefully — about what exactly it is you’re afraid of.

And then make your non-monogamy arrangements to address those particular feelings and fears.
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Help Stop Violence Against Sex Workers

December 14, 2008

 Annie Sprinkle, On The Issues Magazine                jump to top          more in this category

In 2003 “Green River Killer” Gary Ridgeway confessed to having strangled ninety women to death and having “sex” with their dead bodies.

He stated, “I picked prostitutes as victims because they were easy to pick up without being noticed. I knew they would not be reported missing right away and might never be reported missing. I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught.”

Sadly, some Seattle area prostitutes, their boyfriends or pimps, knew the Green River Killer was Gary Ridgeway for years. But they were either afraid to come forward for fear of being arrested themselves, or when they did come forward the police didn’t believe them over the “upstanding family man” Gary Ridgeway. It seemed as though the police weren’t working very hard to find the Green River Killer. If the victims had been teachers, nurses or secretaries or other women, I suspect — as Ridgeway did — that the killer would have been caught much sooner. Ridgeway remained at large for twenty years.
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